Haylee Elizabeth and other things.

In 2005 I became pregnant with my daughter. It was an abusive relationship and I knew it wouldn't last. He came home drunk one night, and beat me with a crowbar as hard as he could. I was 9 months pregnant. She passed away as a result of the abuse.

I have always been a victim of abuse. I think that 90 % of people experience some form of abuse. People should get help if they are being abused in some way or another.

I experienced a life changing event. I was in a car accident in 2006. I was in the hospital for several months and it seemed as if I wouldn't be able to walk on my own. But luckily enough, I made it. I have leg pains alot but its better than not being able to walk at all.

I'm thankful to be alive and breathing. Everything hard and trying I've gone through reminds me of Michael, the boy who I lost when I was 15.

 He was my friend, and yet I didn't have the courage to tell him how I felt. I was going to do it the next time I saw him. Until I found out he was dead. I was completely devastated and didn't know what to do. I cried and starved myself for days at a time and only slept. I skipped school for weeks because I felt like it was my fault. I didn't want to face reality at all. So I began writing letters to him. At first they were how much I missed him and then I began not to have the courage to write to him anymore because I still felt guilty that I didn't tell him. This is how I thought: "If I just had told him, he might still be alive."  It's been a long time since he died but the pain is still there. He is always in my thoughts and I treasure the ring he gave to me before he died. It's like he is still with me and he is one person I will never forget. Suicide is a serious thing and I don't like it when people joke around with it.

I feel empty.

Today I woke up and it seemed like the world didn't matter. I kept thinking of the past and hence I decided to start a blog. I feel like I have something to say, but I don't know who would listen. It seems like I write a lot but I usually don't share what I have to say. It's not that I don't welcome criticism, I just have never shared my deep thoughts and personal feelings with anyone before.

I am a mom to three boys, but two of them don't live with me. Ian is 6, Caleb is 3, and Asher is 5 months old. Asher is the one who lives with me.

I have a decent job, in fact, it's rather new. I love my car. I am single but I like it that way. Maybe some day I'll meet someone who can make me laugh and make me feel happy. But until then, I'm focusing on my son and my dreams.

I want to finish school. My goal is to become a pharmacist. I love helping people. I also would love to get a degree in web design. Currently I work at a drug rehab center. It's not really stressful, it's a good job.